In 2015 I was not myself. I was dizzy throughout my days, sometimes deliriously so. My depression at times caused me to sink to the floor, still dripping wet in my towel after the long afternoon baths I had become accustomed to taking. I was experiencing anxiety at 7:00 a.m. when my eyes first fluttered open, experiencing the rush of adrenaline upon realizing that I was awake. I saw my OB/GYN more than I saw my own friends and family; we were on a first name basis. My face tingled. Like I said—I was not myself.
I was the kind of out-of-sorts that many doctors weren’t quite sure what to make of. I was just “stressed”, they said. Experiencing stress can create all kinds of low-grade reactions in the body when your body simply has nowhere else to put the energy. Of course I was stressed, but it felt like more—I felt like a prisoner in my own skin with no real answers as to why I was spiraling.
Deep inside I felt that there had to be more to the story. What was happening eluded me for some time though, just out of reach—like when a word your brain is searching for never quite makes its way out of your mouth. The search for the root cause felt endless. It seemed like I saw every healthcare practitioner in lower Manhattan and Connecticut. I went from doctor to doctor, yet I still couldn’t find the answer. Naturopaths, physical therapists, pain specialists, therapists, and energy healers all came to know me intimately.
At the same time, I went from pharmacy to pharmacy, walking up and down the aisles to see if something spoke to me. Instead, I would leave feeling worse thinking that there was something “wrong” with me. It seemed like all the brands on the shelves were telling anti-feminism messages and are not tailored to women’s specific biology (scented tampons, for example).
Finally after months and months, I found out that I was suffering from severe vitamin deficiencies in 2016. We have to remember that “wellness” wasn’t a buzzword until recently and the conversation around being “well” wasn’t prevalent back then in the United States. When my doctor got my results, they were so dreadful that she wouldn’t allow me to leave her office until she injected me with vials of liquid vitamin B, sending me home with handfuls of syringe needles and alcohol wipes. With a sense of relief that I finally had a path forward.
The root cause was found.
Second, I came to realize that I wasn’t alone and that my story is common. All of us seem to be suffering from something, and sometimes the Western approach of simply treating symptoms with traditional prescriptions before discovering the root cause does not necessarily result in true healing. If you try to treat your symptoms like I was doing—covering it up with temporary “solutions” and sweeping it under the rug—then you end up back in the doctor’s waiting room time and time again.
How did I finally move forward? With vitamins and minerals tailored to my needs, of course, but overwhelmingly by changing my lifestyle to eat better, manage stress, and get more sleep, and shifting my perspective on how to be well. I finally realized that it is in fact okay to feel good about feeling good. There’s no one way of healing that creates the magic answer for every person. Western medicine works in some cases for some people, but sometimes the placebo effect is just as good as the real thing. Herbs and acupuncture get others up and running again. Meditation can save lives, but so does Prozac. It all comes down to learning how to love yourself well, and knowing that the journey is a personal one that requires kindness and patience above all else.
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Once I shifted my perspective and found out what was actually agreeing with my body, it became crystal clear that there was a need in the women’s healthcare space for effective, accessible, female-first personal care products that didn’t make us women feel embarrassed or disappointed, and so I sought out to create Love Wellness.
I wanted to educate women about their bodies in a more positive way, without the shame and stigma that our culture seems to propagate. Education is at the root of what we do here at Love Wellness and we want to demystify what’s considered taboo in women’s health—for example, why is vagina such a “dirty” word? If women are embarrassed by what’s going on with their bodies, they may be too embarrassed to take the necessary steps to take care of them.
I want women everywhere not just “deal” but to find peace with and within their bodies, much like I found within myself. With Love Wellness, I want women to finally love themselves well.
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